In the Middle...

The last several days, many of us have been caught up in a brewing controversy about Chick-fil-a and the recent comments made by their president, Dan Cathy regarding the company's stand on same-sex marriage, saying that CFA backs the traditional family unit.  This sparked great controversy from many that support and embrace LBGT groups, friends and just the belief that all are created equal.  I was right on that bandwagon and have been a staunch supporter of LBGT for decades.  I have posted several comments on Facebook and have read those posted by others.  There are definitely two sides to the situation, and then probably one right in the middle.  


The middle...that's where I often end up.  It can be both a blessing and a curse, that 'seeing both sides thing'.


I admit I jumped on the bandwagon too, but over the week as I have read others' responses and read articles on the subject, I've really been thinking on it.  Then today, the picture above was posted by a Mom friend from OHS.  It really put the whole thing in perspective for me.  It makes me realize that if we are going to take a stand on one thing, there are so many more companies and practices in which we all engage that maybe we don't see eye to eye with, or worse yet, we just don't KNOW what they are doing.  


From my observations this week and the knowledge I've gathered, CFA does a whole lot of GOOD.  Although they don't support gay marriage, they don't seem to openly discriminate or defame anyone either.  Their stand should not really be a surprise for that matter.  


They give back to the community in many ways from fundraising for schools to running a nonprofit organization called WinShape which is dedicated to 'shaping winners', helping to find loving homes for foster children in need.  This was brought to my attention by one of my Facebook friends who made a good point, stating our country seems to 'major in the minors', worrying about the smaller points when there really are so much bigger fish to fry.  Her post and the picture above made me realize that we really do need to widen the lens on our view finder if we are going to start boycotting businesses.  If we are going to severe our relationship with Chick-fil-a, who else do we need to add?


I've also been thinking that to turn our backs on CFA and walk away does not really show us 'turning the other cheek'.  Is walking away really showing the company or their employees that need their jobs anything?  I'm pretty sure Jesus would still be eating chicken sandwiches. I posted yesterday that I felt the difference between not supporting CFA but still being friends with people who didn't necessarily stand with our beliefs was different in the fact that because CFA is a business, we can CHOOSE where we decide to spend our money and lend our support.  I do still believe that, but I've had time to realize that doing that just might not be the best choice.  


All this said, I'm still not totally sure how I feel about this.  I know where I stand personally and I'll be the first in line to stand up for GLBT rights or rights for all, for that matter.  Nothing makes me madder than to be in a group of people and to hear someone throwing out a derogatory remark about a minority or talking about others as if they are 'less-than'.  In fact, this just happened to me last night and I continue to be amazed by the narrow-mindedness of others.  If I walk away and insulate myself in a group where everyone believes just as I, will anything really change?  Will any of us learn to respect each other and our differences?  Will walking away teach anyone tolerance or love?  I don't know, but it's certainly made me think  My stand on equality is firm and unshakable.  I just think that this CFA thing is so not either/or. 


Will I be driving through the local CFA drive-thru??  On that, the jury is still out.  

Happy New Year...always behind, but usually at the finish line.

I'm finally getting around to sending the 'holiday' greetings. I've done it for years, but I've finally gotten smart enough to at least take a bit of the pressure off of myself by ordering New Year cards and nothing with a Christmas tree or Santa that says "Merry Christmas". Now, I feel like I'm pushing the New Year option!

One resolution I'd like to keep this year is blogging more. I think it's a great way to keep thoughts and pass so much onto Kira. I've only done a handful here through the years, but I'm hoping to do better with that. As most of you know, I love to write and that has been calling to me louder and louder.

Below, I attach my 2011/12 Holiday letter for my first blog entry of the year. It condenses much of what our last year has held. I hope to be back here more than less this year and I hope to see some of you here.


Happy New Year!

I hope this letter will find all of you happy and healthy, having had a beautiful holiday season with those that you love. As I sit at my desk in the same messy office where I wrote last year’s letter, it’s hard to believe a whole year has passed again. 2011 will be remembered as a year of struggle for many, so I believe most of us are looking expectantly to 2012. I have just come off of a week-long high of birthday bliss, celebrating my 50th year, so I already feel 2012 heading off in the right direction!

Because of Facebook, I feel I have been able to stay connected so much better with so many of you. That is one of the things I really enjoy about Social Media, but I do miss the personal contact which it often replaces due to everyone’s over-scheduled and multi-faceted lives. I love many things about the ease and the instantaneous results of our world these days, but I miss the days of handwritten notes, surprise cards sent for special occasions, and the thrill of going to a real mailbox. I suppose I’ve always written and continue to write this yearly letter because I grew up every year watching my sweet grandma do the same thing…so, I realized I better sit down and get my thoughts together and out to you all, or it will need to be a Valentine!! (Gram’s letter was out the weekend after Thanksgiving and tree was up and house decorated. I sure didn’t take that after her, but the things I got, I’m most thankful for!)

One of the biggest accomplishments of this year was finally getting my Mom’s house SOLD!!
Needless to say, this was a blessing, but it was an event in our lives that was bittersweet. It was our ‘family home’ for over 35 years, housing four generations-sometimes all at the same time. Going through the contents brought back so many memories and having to release so much in so many ways was sometimes hard. In the end though, one realizes that it is the memory and not the item that tugs at our heart.

This was truly an undertaking that took many hands…and hearts. I learned I don’t have to ‘do it all’, realizing asking for help is okay, and being overwhelmed with the generosity of friends and family that pitched in and just made it happen. We were blessed with an amazing realtor who gathered the troops and organized us, leading the way in helping us get things cleaned out so that we were able to put the house on the market by early June. By mid-July, we had a contract, an amazing blessing in this housing market. (If you need a realtor, call me; I’d love to share her!)

Looking back, I am overwhelmed by what was accomplished and it’s sometimes hard to believe it’s finally done. I know I never would have been able to do it alone. I am so grateful ‘that’ part of the journey is behind us. I never realized what a huge part of ‘space’ it took and I feel so light now. It was a time of transition for everyone, from Mom to Terri and her girls to me and my family, sending us all exploring new horizons. For updates, Mom’s new address is 1713 Bellevue Avenue, C716, Richmond, VA 23227.

Due to all of the above, our Aruba trip this year was probably needed and appreciated more than ever. We even extended our time there an extra week and felt decadent soaking in the Aruba way of life for three weeks. There’s no doubt, it’s our happy place! Kira has lots of friends that she sees every year as families return to vacation the same week.

Reservations are already made for June and it will be Kira’s 9th year. One more and they’ll consider her an Honorary Citizen!! No, really …that’s what they do! She’s really looking forward to that!

Palmer continues his work at Guidestar (www.guidestar.org) as a Systems Administrator, having just celebrated his 10th anniversary there. Although the home office is still located in Williamsburg, he has been able to start working several days a week from home. It’s great to have him closer and it’s been great for our gas budget!

Fall marked some big excitement for Kira as she began 5th grade as a new student at Orchard House School. This is a small (only 80 girls) private all-girls middle school (grades 5-8), located in the heart of the city in a beautiful historical building right off of Monument Avenue. It’s like our only child has just been adopted by 79 other sisters!! Coincidentally, it is also where I work! Kira and I have loved going into school together each morning. There is nothing like the luxury of being able to share a big hug right in the middle of our day! I feel really blessed that she is able to attend OHS and experience middle school from an entirely different perspective. Check out our website and see what we’re all about. We’d love to have you follow along on the journey with us. (www.orchardhouse.org)

She has really blossomed this year and we are excited to see what is in store. We are very proud of her and the things we are seeing her accomplish--academically, personally and socially. It’s going way too fast, but since one can’t go back, best to hang tight and enjoy the ride.

Along with her school studies, she is continuing with volleyball and tried out field hockey and basketball through the OHS teams. One of the many great things about OHS is that they welcome anyone that wants to play to be part of the team—no tryouts. It’s such a confidence builder and truly teaches team spirit and camaraderie. She wasn’t too keen on field hockey, but really seems to like basketball. I think she’ll have the height for it. She’s grown an inch since September and is already 5 feet tall. She’s only 2 inches from beating me, and right now that is one of her biggest bragging rights. I’m glad she seems to have gotten the tall gene from her Daddy; I always wanted to be tall.

My Mom was hospitalized twice early in the year with some pretty scary situations involving her heart. The second time, we almost lost her and but for the fact that she was not alone when the event occurred, the fact that the paramedics were so quick and that there were some awesome docs and nurses at St. Mary’s ER, I know we would have. She is almost back to full capacity, and for the most part, the rest of our family was happy and healthy in 2011.

Sadly, we watched many friends experience sickness and loss, only reminding us how fragile life is. We continue to keep each of them in our hearts and prayers, realizing each day is truly a gift. I hope that I can do my best in 2012 to embrace that for myself and my family, bringing happiness to others, and finding the positive in every situation. Life is full of ups and downs, but we are here—and in the end…always…always--so blessed. May you and yours be blessed as well.

Much love and peace to each and every one of you!

Jenna, Palmer, Kira, Meko and Marley
stickley3@gmail.com Facebook: Jenna Moore Stickley, Palmer Stickley (find us and friend us!)

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are [Official Video]

Where's "Your" Beautiful?

Today as I was rushing through Walmart, looking for the last accessory for Kira's 'plant' costume for "Jungle Book", I caught a full-length mirror glimpse of myself as I walked by. Considering I've never been a supermodel, you'd think that what I saw looking back at me wouldn't be such a surprise. The "me" I see in my mind's eye is not what I see when I look in a mirror and way too much 'me' is looking back.

I've been thinking about that a lot today, realizing that who we imagine ourselves to be has a lot to do with what comes from the energy inside of us. I wonder if others see me that way...or is that really why I CAN see myself that way--precisely because they DO! Either way, I know I have love and support and I love my life and the blessings that are in it. Would I still take that Sofia Vargara body?? You bet your bonnet I would, but I also realize that this is my reality and rather than wallow in the place of unhappiness that I'm not what I want to be, I'd rather live each day gratefully for who I am and what I have.

Some of us are born with that message, and support of who we are and what we stand for from the moment we are born; for others of us, it might be a place we struggle to find after years of searching. However each of us comes to that place, I hope we can all get there. Life is too short to let what is outside of our souls govern the person we choose to be. We must love ourselves first and then that love will spill out onto our family, our friends and the world. It really is what's inside that matters...and don't let anyone tell you that you're not beautiful!

Heartbroken

Last Sunday as we were leaving church, Kira stepped off the curb and fell. She came up crying and I thought she'd really been hurt badly. That is when I saw the 'high-heeled' wedge sandal that she held in her hand, the toe strap pulled out and broken. She was devastated! You see, these were very special shoes--her first 'high heels'.



She'd looked at them in the gift shop every day while we were in Aruba. She'd said she just loved them! I thought they were too high and too old for her. But, as was the case, her birthday fell while we were in Aruba and we decided to give in and surprise her with them. I hid them in our luggage and brought them home with us. When she opened our gift at the party here, she was ecstatic to see these special shoes.



She'd worn them almost every day since. Now, she was devastated that they'd broken--these special shoes that "could never be replaced." She cried all the way home and even more when she told her Daddy. We realized the enormity of this event to her while reading her journal at back to school night this week She'd actually listed it as #1 of the "seven worst things that had ever happened" to her.



Tonight my sweet little daughter dropped a piece of pottery that she'd painted last week and had just brought home from Color Me Mine. (This has not been a good week.) She was so proud of it, taking it out of the wrap to show her Daddy. In her excitement, she somehow lost her grip. As it was falling to the floor, she screamed "Mommy!!"... But none of us could get it before it crashed to the floor. She burst out in uncontrollable tears. It was awful! I did all I could to console her; hugs, talking, even showing her that it could be fixed...just two clean breaks that a bit of super glue could take care of.



As I was trying to calm her down and doing my best to make everything 'like new', I realized that these are probably just the beginning of so many things that will break her heart through the years. I realize that I can't keep these things from happening to her, but that I will do my best to always be there for her and to stand by and support her as she deals with each one. Here's hoping that the worst heartbreak she'll ever experience will be a broken shoe or a broken piece of pottery.

Perception

The other day, I recieved an email from my sister-in-law. The subject line read 'perception'. It directed me to this link: http://www.ageofautism.com/2009/07/autism-perception-a-bump-in-the-road.html.

Her only note included in the email said, "this article, most likely, will enlighten you. this amazing mother writes what I haven't been able to say...but, often wish I could"

It's a bit overwhelming, long, and at times feels bitter and negative to me. That said, I ask you to please take the time to read it through and you will be able to begin to empathize and understand how dealing with so many things outside of 'normal' can be so overwhelming, bringing a mother, (insert any family or loved one here) to this place.

Although I like to look at things from the 'glass-full' side of life; in reading this, I understand how sometimes that might prove a difficult task for these families. I don't know that I agree with everything that is mentioned in this blog post, but it definitely has information and a perspective that we all need to at least have an awareness of.

My nephew, Bert, is a beautiful boy that we love very much. I have seen the effects of autism in him and in our family for over 10 years and I still don't begin to understand. It is difficult on so many levels, but Bert is also funny, sweet, caring and full of life in many ways...he is just not like us--that doesn't make him 'different', but that is how society sees these children.

I can only imagine that those without exposure or knowledge of this disease are uneducated, confused and at times, frightened by the disease and therefore these children. Ignorance often breeds fear. It is a natural response to the unknown. Unfortunately, even if you don't know anyone on the autism spectrum now, there is a good chance that you will. Sadly, there is now a 1 in 150 chance that a child will have some form of autism. Please read and educate yourself; try to get involved and at least have some understanding and compassion for families that deal with this each and every day. Changes need to come through research and insurance, teaching and so many other areas to make the progress needed with this disease.

Eight Years Ago...

I was in our living room in our home in Jacksonville. The sun was shining...it was a beautiful Florida day. Kira wasn't even yet three months old. She was swinging in her baby swing and I was folding laundry and watching the TODAY Show. When a report came on as “Breaking News", as always, it caught my attention. It seemed like a horrible thing had happened-a plane crash; but never did I begin to imagine the horrific moment in time I had just become a part of...that we had all become a part of.

I called Palmer at work to tell him about this plane that they thought had flown too close to one of the towers. While I was talking to him, they reported more and then they knew, we all knew...this was something HORRIBLE, unimaginable. Something that would change lives and the world as we'd known it --forever.

All I could do was pick up Kira and hold her tight, realizing how blessed we were to have this beautiful child; but in shock and disbelief of what had happened, wondering what would her world be like from this day forward. How could any of us go back to our day-to-day lives? I just sat there, trying to comprehend it; wishing if I just sat there long enough, maybe it wouldn't be real, but unable to stop watching it, all at the same time.

Eight years later, 9/11 is still a day of horrible memories for so many of us, a time to remember and pray, especially for the lives lost and those left to go on without so many loved ones. But for now, to Kira, it's just another date in September. Soon, I'll have to tell her all about it; what happened that day, the lives and loves lost and those left to carry on. I'll have to tell her about other children her age that unfortunately DO know what 9/11 means because they lost a parent that day. Some had not even yet been born, so even a memory of this parent will never be.

I'll tell her how our country came together and supported each other and help her to see how even in the hardest and most horrible of situations, some good can come of it. I'll tell her of the stories I've heard where someone missed a train, slept through an alarm or got stuck in traffic because they lingered a bit longer saying goodbye to their kids...and so they survived! I'll tell her of all the people that were in the buildings, there in the middle of all of it...but they survived and lived to tell about it. I'll tell her about the people that banded together, helping each other down thousands of steps, trying to get out; looking out for one another, never thinking of themselves. I'll tell her about all the fireman, policeman, emergency workers, good Samaritans and everyday people who sacrificed their lives, saving others. I've already had the opportunity to try to tell her about Todd Beamer from Flight 93 and all the crew and passengers and the sacrifice they made which undoubtedly saved so many more people. So many heroes, so many lost, so very sad.

I hope we will never face anything like this again. I pray that some good really has come out of it and that we can all remember what it was like to stand UNITED, supporting one another. And still, in all of the horror that has been and will be, I pray for peace and love for each other.