Last week, I sat at a memorial service for a dear friend. She was a friend I'd not known nearly as long as many others in my life, but she touched me dearly and deeply. In just a span of little more than 6 years, she became enmeshed in my life as perfectly as a beautifully knitted and comfortable sweater.
Linda became so many things to me. She was like a sister, friend and mother, all rolled into one. She always met you, just where and how you needed her to be. Linda was little more than 10 years my senior, but I'd missed sharing so much of that "ideal" mother-daughter relationship with my own mother, that Linda, without even trying, just filled that emptiness and let me experience what I needed to, never realizing the joy she was giving. Linda was way too young to die, but in her short time here, she did so much good.
Although public speaking is not my thing, I am much more comfortable in the coziness of my writing, I was so honored and humbled to have been asked to say something at her memorial service and to have the opportunity to share what a blessing she was to me and so many others. As I sat down to write what I would say, it wasn't hard because every thought that came to me was of so much good.
One by one, each person got up to say something about this beautiful person, and a recurring theme became evident. There was never a thing Linda was asked, where her answer wasn't "YES". More often than not, Linda was there without ever even being asked, and sometimes without being known. She didn't do her work for recognition or praise. She did it because it was the thing to do and it gave her true joy. In listening to each tribute, I realized that Linda was so much more than I'd ever realized. Her heart was open and overflowing and she just showed up...always.
As I sat there listening with tears streaming down my face, I reflected on how often I might have offered to help, or told someone to call if they needed anything, but I am not sure how often I've just showed up. Linda showed that to me personally, and I saw it in the way she lived it over and over again. I thought back on how during Palmer's illness some years ago, people did just that...they showed up, without my ever having to ask. I probably wouldn't have ever asked for what I needed; so people that are just there with open arms truly are a blessing.
I have always considered myself somewhat of a giver, almost to a fault, but in listening to the stories of Linda's life, I realize that she was a giver from an entirely different place. Linda gave openly and freely. Linda never expected anything back, nor felt any animosity or frustration about where her giving took her; probably because there was never any secondary agenda. She was just doing what was right and good. She gave from the core of her being and the bottom of her heart. I truly believe if there was anyone that loved and lived like God would want us to, it was Linda.
Lastly, I realized that the last time I spent time with Linda was last fall, after one of our counting Sundays at church. We'd finished tallying the offering and had talked about getting together one Sunday after church. Unfortunately, she got sick shortly after that. Although I kept in contact through texts, emails and notes and cards, letting her know I cared, was thinking about her and was keeping her in prayers; I never just showed up. I so wanted to see her and talk with her, just be with her. But I didn't want to "bother" her; maybe she wouldn't be up to a visitor, maybe she'd be sleeping, so many thoughts of why I should wait. But I realized in never showing up, I missed my chance to say goodbye. I hope that she knew how much I loved her/
I have thought quite a bit about all of this over the last month since I first got the news that Linda had passed away. I know regret is a useless emotion, but I do believe that there is a gift in the lesson that we can take away. I hope that now when I see an opportunity or a need, or especially a moment to share with someone I care about, I won't hesitate...I'll just show up.
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